Aphrodite Pontia: She of the Sea

Gentle Reader, I am happy to say that I am participating in a fun new project initiated by Rowan Pendragon of One Witch's Way. It's called the Pagan Blog Project, and you can join, too, if you like. This week, we begin with the letter A. So of course I though it a great time to work with Aphrodite. Hail, Great Daughter of the Sea! Guide my words with your wisdom! So mote it be.

I received this question on my Facebook yesterday:

Q. While many men and women are attracted to me to my energy and tell me so, it seems that my sense of confidence also keeps them from actually asking me out. How do I balance my attractiveness with my assertiveness to make me feel more approachable to potential suitors?

I woke up with my darling Albert this morning at 5:30, and set a pretty pink-gold Apple on Aphrodite's Altar. I lit some Blue Roses incense, made by Gypsy over at Nu Aeon in Salem, MA. It is "an incense specially formulated to honor the Goddess in all Her aspects and to attract true love." I meditated with Aphrodite on this question, and just before 6 AM, I ate the apple of wisdom, bowed to Aphrodite, and sat down to write.

Before reading any further, please take a moment to consider the beauty and majesty of Her sacred oceans, the waves of love She already bestows.


Relax, wonderful one. There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing at all. Just as each wave that crashes on the shore is fresh, unique, and can never be duplicated, you, too, are a divine and singular occurrence. Know this. Know that this is as true as the reality of the ocean waves: permanent, yet dynamic. Not fixed, but not flimsy, either. Your strength and confidence are glorious, your vulnerability is glorious, and you are glorious. You are eminently lovable, and the fact that many people tell you how attractive you are is a great gift.

Your question contains three energies that might be serving as obstacles to your enjoyment of the process of love: insecurity in how you are perceived, impatience, and outsourcing the power of love to one other than yourself.

Let me let you in on a little secret: we each teach the world how to love us by loving ourselves completely. You know already that your confidence is an attractive asset, having been told so, yet you question whether or not it stands in the way of being lovable. This suggests that you do not believe what others tell you: that your confidence and assertiveness are attractive.

The vendor in the marketplace, haggling and shoving and arguing and bargaining and asserting herself, is beautiful. The professor, delivering an authoritative, scientific, scholarly lecture at an international conference, is beautiful. The mother who refuses to leave the principal's office until she has had a SERIOUS word with someone in charge about what happened to her child in the cafeteria today, is beautiful. The pre-menstrual, weepy, argumentative, moody 14-year old who wants everyone to think she is grown up already, is beautiful. You are beautiful, in every way.


Know this: the one who is meant to love you already loves ALL of you, including your confidence, even though you have not yet met. This person will find all the things you dislike about yourself worthy of love. Would you disrespect the powerful and wise love of your most cherished companion by rejecting his/her opinion about something so important?

The only place where confidence fails in love is when it shoves vulnerability out of the way. Vulnerability is also essential in love. Vulnerability is the reason WHY we love the person who is standing in front us, hands on hips, ready for an argument or in a bad mood or having a rough day. We know who that person is, beneath all of their upset or difficulty of the moment, and we love that person at their vulnerable core. If your confidence is pushing your vulnerability out of the way, there is only one way back: through the great hall of patience.




Patience is essential for lasting love. Patience is the soil in which love plants its seed. A sense of eternity makes for a great lifetime with someone. Whether you meet your someone at age 13 or 85, your lifetime with them begins the moment you meet and if you stay patient and present with each moment, the love you enjoy will feel like it goes on forever. Forever is not a long-term promise we make to someone. It is a moment-by-moment promise. The only way to cultivate pure, loving, mutual presence in each moment is with patience and a sense of contentment in the vast ocean of time. Healthy love grows slowly so that trust can be established. It grows slowly so that good, healthy patterns can be established. Sure, two fiery souls may meet and fall madly in love in an instant....but in order for the relationship to last they will eventually have to choose to work on being SANELY in love rather than madly in love. Your sustainable approach to love has already begun. As a smart, self-possessed individual, you want to participate artfully in the process of love. Hold the journey of love lightly in your mind: you are already on it. It is already happening. This wait is part of it. This time of personal growth and cultivation is necessary. It is the training you need in order to be whole in a lasting and timeless love. Cultivate patience. Pray for your beloved, as my friend and fellow Aphrodite Priestess Lady Maia Mermaid taught me. Pray for his/her well-being every day, though you have not yet met. Pray for his/her happiness every night, as you cuddle up in blissful patience, holding the trust and safe feelings within that you currently think will only happen when that person actually arrives.

Do not delay the happy feeling of love and receptivity. When you wait to allow yourself to feel loved for the person to arrive, you actually hold the person at an arm's length with your internal resistance. So start the feelings of love now, and hold them within you for as long as you can. In the beginning, you will falter after only a short time of holding those feelings. That is normal. Stick with it. You will learn to extend the interval. Be filled with love and vulnerable when you are with yourself, rather than judging yourself for not having the lover yet in your immediate sphere. You DO have a beloved already (in fact, you have many possibilities already, and it will be up to you to choose how many you decide to explore). Your beloved's every heartbeat is already whispering your name. It is unfolding in perfection. It will be worth the wait. It already is, as the priceless lessons you are now learning will continue to show you.


For 6 days, rise in the morning at 6 AM and bow 6 times to the East, to Venus as She crests the horizon. Conjure a feeling of deep love and peace in your heart. Seek, gently, the little pockets of resistance that live behind your heart and down your left arm. Apply love to these places. Journey around your body, looking for anywhere else that love feels lacking. Fill them with love. Then, say 6 times aloud, "I offer myself a blessing today, of love, patience, and presence. I offer my beloved a blessing today, of good health, happiness, and well-being. I patiently, happily await the day when our paths cross and we meet in the flesh." Splash or spritz yourself with rosewater and blow a kiss to the heavens. After the 6th day, let go of the formal ritual, but hang on to the blessing and say it whenever you feel it is magically correct to do so. Spritz yourself with rosewater whenever you like to uplift your spirits and refresh your commitment to allowing love to unfold. And I highly recommend blowing kisses to the heavens as often as you like.

That concludes this meditation. Thank you, Aphrodite Pontia, She of the Sea that ever dances: vast, patient, and already full.

May the path to love that you are on be joyful, present, and patient! May the reward for your growing be a better life for you and everyone you touch! So mote it be!